ანეკდოტები

107. Lasha (Off)
[ 29 Sep 2013, 23:26 ]
სახალისოა
guide in tbilisi

when someone is saying something and you’re pissed off, you can reply angrily :”wtf dude, are you masturbating or what?”

when someone calls you “boy, boy”, you can reply : ‘your boy is running in the forrest’

when someone says vaaa, you can say: stone in the ass
in georgia you can say goodbye this way: go poop and then ski

in georgia we have also theory of probability, for example: “grandmother is selling chewing-gums, and choose the colour you want”, next example : “this, that, goes outside” it’s called the ESA-MESA theory
in georgia when someone is making noises or screaming, or just fucking brain painfully, you can shout:”goodfuck”(kargistyvna)

in georgia when someone wears a cool t-shirt, you can say: “what a sperm t-shirt it is”

in georgia, when someone says something stupid and you don’t believe, you can reply proudly:”do you have inside? (and searching outside)

also, in georgia, you can prove something, sayin’ :”If I were son of a bitch”, “to fuck my mother”

in georgia you can call your friend “you of mine”

there’re also jokes about numbers. for example, when someone says 9, you can reply :”attack of the crow”, or if he says 8, you reply :’tear up your ass’

when you have nothing to do, people are saying proverb like this :’guy without job was sticking pin in his nuts’, or “guy without job was hitting his head to the wall”

in georgia when people have problems, they say: What can we do, which tree should we hit at”
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when you’ve made something stupid and you cannot solve spoiled job, people can say to you: “you should hold 2 bricks, hit them in the head and must be searching for the third brick”

by the way, when you don’t care about something, you can say :”I hang it on my dick (or legs)”

when you are sitting in “marshutka” and you want to stop, you can shout :”when you cross, pls stop”

in georgia we have some shairian poems like “I threw fish net in water, then I found stairs
I raped sister of your wife and she called me “more” “

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when you agree helping someone in some problems, you can say to him “no market, I’ll help you”

if you say or see something un-believable, you can say : “the miracle, if you want”

when you are travelling with your friend in marshutka, you can pay his ticket price, saying : “yours is paid”

the musical composition themes have no limits in Georgia. for example T.wiklauri’s song - “stop the earth, I’m coming”

It kinda unfair in Georgia, cuz when a boy sees a cute girl he can say “What a pussy she is” but girls can’t say “What a dick he is”.

when you are very fun at the parties, your friend can say to you : “Haha, you’re Circus, Circus !”

When a guy needs money he can say “A sister of good boy needs operation, can you help us with some money”

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when you do something weird and stupid, your grandmother will always say, in sad voice : “what I have ever decreased to you”

When you insult someone, he will ask you in rude way “Write the number, boy” but won’t call you up

when you haven’t seen your friend for a very very long time, you can say :”how many winters,how many years”

Or “where have you been lost”

there’s also another way to became awesome and cool person, saying this, when you are proving something : “to cum in my mouth”

When you have nothing to do you can ask your friend “what dick should we do”

when your drunk as fuck, you can shout three versions of these words.
1.when you’re alone :”hey neighbours, come down, I must Count you all”
2.when you’re with friends :”from here, everybody comes to me, at home”
3. when you’re at home: “Wake up the child, he/she must play on the piano”

when your friend lies to you and you already know the truth, you can reply :”fuck the liar”, he can respond :”(that’s) suchway(ai egre)” but you can resist : “rewrited(shegewera)*”

* yes, but in that case “rewrite” means შეგეწერა

In Georgia when you are an atheist, Christians will tell you “Believe in God, you motherfucker or you will burn in hell”
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In Georgia, Insulting has no limits and boundaries, because, offender can make bad jokes about your mother and insults, like having sex with her in different kamasutra positions, with all dirty and sick fantasies. For example : “I wish to your mother, that one day Ali-baba and 40 thieves will enter her vagina” © unknown

When you say something smart but others don’t get you, they will ask you: “does your father have another smart child like you”
when you see ugly person (mostly girl) you can say : “daamn, she looks like a painted devil on the stone”
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108. T E M O (Off)
[ 04 Oct 2013, 1:12 ]
ერთ სასწავლებელში სტუდენტი სასადილოში შევიდა. თავისუფალი ადგილი ვერ ნახა და პროფესორის გვერდით დაჯდა. პროფესორმა უთხრა:
– ბატი ღორთან არ მეგობრობს.
სტუდენტი:
– მაშინ, კარგად, სხვაგან გადავფრინდები.
პროფესორი შეურაცხყოფილი დარჩა და გადაწყვიტა სტუდენტი გამოცდებში ჩაეჭრა. გამოცდის დღეა. პროფესორმა სტუდენტს ყველაზე რთული ბილეთები მისცა, მაგრამ სტუდენტი შესანიშნავად პასუხობდა. ბოლოს ასეთი კითხვა დასვა:
– დავუშვათ, მიდიხარ გზაზე და დაინახე ორი ტომარა. ერთი სავსეა ოქროთი, მეორე კი ჭკუით. რომელს აირჩევ?
– იმას, რომელშიც ოქროა, – უპასუხა სტუდენტმა.
პროფესორი:
– მე კი იმას ავიღებდი, რომელშიც ჭკუაა.
სტუდენტი:
ვისთვის როგორ, ყველა იმას აიღებს, რაც აკლია.
პროფესორი გაბრაზდა და ჩათვლის წიგნაკში სტუდენტს ჩაუწერა: "ვირი".
სტუდენტი გავიდა, ცოტა ხნის შემდეგ კი დაბრუნდა, პროფესორს წიგნაკი გაუწოდა და უთხრა:
– თქვენ ხელი მოაწერეთ, ნიშნის დასმა კი დაგვიწყებიათ

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